Things I’ve learned from cancer so far

OK, it’s early days. I don’t even know whether I’ll need to have chemotherapy yet, today was the first day I’ve been out for a walk on my own since the operation, and I still have breasts so bruised that Picasso would struggle to get the colours right. But alread I’ve learned some things…. in no particular order, here they are.

1. Sometimes you just have to accept that you’re not up to speed.
On Wednesday I opened my mouth fully intending to say to my ever-patient husband, “Alan, shall we have some lunch? I think I could do with something to eat” but what actually came out was, “I lunchtime”.

2. Little things matter.
Like being able to wash your own hair, and going into hospital with fabulous two-tone finger and toenails painted by your daughter the night before. Like knowing that if you want a cup of tea or someone to bring you a newspaper, all you have to do is ask. (Sometimes, you don’t even need to do the asking part.)

3. So do big things.
Like having a husband who helps you to wash your hair when you can’t do it on your own, while making you feel that this is a perfectly natural everyday occurrence, and indeed wives who are capable of washing their own hair are really missing out. Like having a daughter who spends an hour painting your nails the night before you go into hospital and when she finds that you had to take all the varnish off in pre-op, smiles and says “don’t worry, I’ll do it again.” Like having a son who makes tea and runs errands and cooks without complaining or being asked. Like coming round from the anesthetic mumbling “Nodes? Nodes?” and being told that they are clear.

4. The human body is an amazing thing.
OK, it can grow a cancer, which isn’t the best idea. But it can also heal itself phenomenally quickly, and make sure it gets all the right things to make that process happen. This week I’ve felt more in the grip of my physical body than I have since giving birth. Falling asleep mid-sentence and craving tuna sandwiches? All part of the process. (Usually I hate tuna sandwiches. No, I’m not pregnant.)

5. So is the human mind.
I’m always banging on about the power of the mind (much to Alan’s amusement considering how much stick I used to give him for “reframing” things) but I’ve really discovered how useful a positive attitude is this week. Whenever the pain has approached unbearable, I’ve reminded myself that what is happening is my body knitting itself back together, the best thing that can be happening at the moment. So although I’ve been in a whole lot of healing a lot of the time it’s felt, somehow, like a good thing.

6. Some people are soooooo clever.
They have the skill and knowledge and wit to go find out about cancer, how to spot it, and how to get rid of it bloody quick when it does show up.

7. Knitting is awesome.
Here come three words I never thought I’d type – better than reading! (For this week only. Most weeks, reading has it by a whisker.) For a lot of the time this week I haven’t felt up to much (500 words tops), but fortunately knitting isn’t much – just a bit of winding with sticks and string – but it brings me a serenity that I wouldn’t have got through the week without. (And you get stuff at the end of it!)

8. People are great. (Or the people I know at least)
You’re going to be reading a lot more about the people.